When the whole world inFalloutis literally on fire from the leftover radiation of thousands of nuclear bombs, it’s understandable for people’sliving standardsto become a bit lower. Post-apocalypse worlds and giant roaches do impact quality of life a little. Worrying about the quality of one’s armor often gets in the way of day-to-day survival.
InFallout’s world, everything is available but nothing is accessible. The players and the NPCs have to scrounge up what little they can scavenge inthe wastelands. Anything that can stop a bullet or blade ought to be protection enough. But even so, some questionable outliers are still present inFallout’s armory — the kind that makes even duct-tape-engineering look more viable.
8Trapper Armor (Fallout 4)
As a bruiser’s choice of garb, the Trapper Armor fromFallout 4’sFar Harborexpansion looks quite capable. All those spikes in the right places look painful in an enemy’s eyes. And using tractor tires as armor pads is quite ingenious, though those are probably not enough to stop legitimate bullets, much lessenergy weapon projectiles.
In any case, the Trapper Armor falls apart when it comes to the helmet. All that crude but effective defense got heavily offset by that lobster trap. Those things were never made to withstand any kind of external force. They’re also made out of wood (usually). Any other helmet would have provided better protection.
7Pack Armor (Fallout 4)
This is the light version of the Pack Armor, and whoever made this in the Boston Wasteland shouldn’t have bothered. A toddler could have made something more defensive and more sustainable than this daycare center disaster. That chest armor appears to be made out of electric tubes — even a kitchen knife could cut through it.
RELATED:Fallout 4: All Romances Ranked
But the main star andpièce de résistanceof the armor set are those wee teddy bears strapped to the limbs and other body parts, who appear to regret their decision of agreeing to be turned into armor. It’s not uncommon to see desperationinFallout 4, but this transcends that lifestyle state. It’s not desperate anymore, it has become defeatist.
6Grognak Costume (Fallout 4)
On paper, a dollar store version of Conan the Barbarian walking around the remains of a self-destructive civilization is prime literature material. In practice, anyone cosplaying as Grognak inFalloutis just asking for multiple stages of cancer from radiation poisoning. This armor set barely covers the vital parts that usually get scarred or targeted in a melee fight.
In fact, it looks more like a bikini. The male variant only covers the groin with a loincloth, while the female variant comes with a bra. Despite the appearance and the “costume” in its name, the Grognak Costume offers a good degree of damage mitigation. It’s very much an armor with its stats. But in a wasteland where even some pockets of air can turn a human being into a ghoul, exposing skin probably isn’t the safest idea.
5Raider Ordinance/Bombshell Armor (Fallout 3)
Straight out ofMad Max(or probably the Burning Man Festival) is the Bombshell or Raider Ordinance Armor. Both of those share the same design, and the concept behind them is not too bad. It’s supposedly armor for some rough and rowdy raiders. These are the types of people in the DC Wasteland that don’t value their lives too much.
RELATED:Fallout 4: Common Misconceptions
So it makes sense that their armor stares death down and even dares to spit in its face. For that same reason, though, it’s also not agood armorfor players. It doesn’t have much in the way of damage reduction and the perk benefits are lackluster compared to more specialized armor. It’s best to just leave the suicidal tactics to the raiders.
4Powder Gang Simple Outfit (Fallout: New Vegas)
Moving ontoFallout: New Vegas, it also has its own raider group that calls itself the Powder Gangers. That’s probably because their lowliest members are nothing but cannon fodder with the way they’re dressed.
The Powder Gang Simple Outfit is an even bolder one when compared to the Bombshell Armor fromFallout 3. It’s literally just a pair of jean shorts and a bandolier with six sticks of dynamite. Even worse, those dynamite sticks are merely for display, so that bandolier offers neither utility nor protection.
3Sorrows Outfit (Fallout: New Vegas)
Foregoing protection in the name of religion is one of the trademarks of the Sorrows tribe inNew Vegas. They walk around their camps in revealing swimsuits, exposing themselves to the elements of nature, radiation included. They can be excused, however, as the Sorrows are a technologicallyprimitive tribe.
RELATED:Fallout 76: Things That Make The RPG Worth Trying In 2022
Their society lives off the land by hunting, and they’re also generally peaceful unless provoked. Still, that doesn’t mean their armor or outfits pair well with the player’s lifestyle. The Sorrows Outfit only offers a measly single-digit damage reduction number and a few points in Survival.
2Naughty Nightwear/Sleepwear
For something more suggestive than the Sorrows Outfit, players should look no further than the Naughty Nightwear or Sleepwear usually present inFallout 3andFallout: New Vegas. They’re not supposed to be worn outside (at least not in a real-world context) butFalloutthinks otherwise.
Why else would these sleeping underwear give out a hefty bonus to Charisma or Speech? Players can even wear these around when trying to persuade some stubbornquest NPCs. For their safety, however, players will have to make sure to replace it with something more protective outside conversations.
1Party Hat
BothFallout 3andNew Vegascould have left the Party Hat alone as a mere ornamental headpiece. But they gave it one measly point of damage reduction, so that automatically puts it in the armor category. Barring that, it already occupied an armor slot anyway.
This happy little thing here is a fully-fledged piece of armor. Does it work? Of course not. Unless players plan on partying their enemies to exhaustion or making them cry by excluding them from party games, this Party Hat has no business being worn in dangerous encounters.
